God's Plan and Purpose

Well the treatments this summer didn’t work. Everything looked perfect in July for our final IUI with Gonal-F round. I responded so well. Even the doctor was pretty sure this was it for us! However, it wasn’t to be. We sat down with our doctor about a month ago to go over our options. He has no idea why we haven’t bee able to get pregnant. Our only option, according to him, is to do IVF.  After breaking down and crying as we were leaving the office, I pretty much thought this was it for us. There is no way we could afford IVF since my insurance doesn’t cover it.

However, my very smart thinking husband pulled up his insurance benefits. We called and went over

the options with his insurance. It turns out they provide really good coverage for fertility, including IVF! We are going to change me over to Daniel’s insurance starting in January. However, we still need to save up for the deductible and copayments. We are hoping to start IVF in the late spring…maybe April or May.

We are considering IVF Plan B, though. We believe that God is bigger than this. It could be His plan to do the IVF but we also are praying and believing in a miracle. I have started a natural supplement to try to regulate my cycles and even after only two weeks, I seem to be responding well to it. Only time will tell. But Daniel and I are trusting in the Lord’s plan. He knows the desire of our heart and we believe He will give us a child…. whether through natural conception, IVF, or adoption. We continue to pray over which direction we should take.

In addition, we are feeling led to start an infertility group at our church. According to statistics, 1 in 8 couples struggle with getting pregnant. We know we are not alone at church, yet it feels like it because it’s not really addressed. I can’t be the only woman at church avoiding services with baby dedications, crying with silent tears as I see the young couple holding their newborn baby across aisle. Worse yet is Mother’s and Father’s Day. Having all the moms and dads stand so everyone can clap and honor them. What about the couples whose dream of being a mom and dad seems farther and farther away everyday?

Daniel and I feel there should be something to address that at church. We are working on becoming more involved and training to lead small groups. Our church is completely on board with our vision and Daniel and I are so excited to see how God will use us. 

Infertility Update

It has been one year since we started fertility treatments. July will make it two years since we started trying to conceive a baby. Two years and still nothing. Every cycle that goes by I feel less and less hope that we will have a child. I know that the Lord has a plan in all of this and it is best to trust in His timing. But sometimes, I wonder if us being parents is part of his plan at all.

These have been our treatments so far:

July 2012-June 2013- Tried to conceive naturally, charted basal body temperature.

June 2013-August 2013- 1000mg of Metformin, charted BBT.

August 2013-November 2013- Metformin and Clomid, charted BBT.

November 2013-April 2014- Switched to a fertility clinic. Femara with trigger injection

April 2014-present- Gonal-F injections, trigger injection, and IUI.

However we have to take this cycle off since after two round of the injections, I have developed several cysts on my left ovary. We have to wait for these to go away before we can continue with treatment.

I took this news hard yesterday. We have been so excited to try this summer with the treatments since I am on summer break (I’m a teacher) and have much lower stress levels. Daniel and I both believe that stress has been hindering us from conceiving despite all the different treatments. Now, I feel we are set back since we will not have much of a chance over the summer because of the cysts. We have already agreed to stop treatments once the school year begins. It is too difficult with all the appointments at the beginning of the school year. I do not like missing as much work as I have been this past couple of months.

Daniel is still confident that the Lord has a plan in all of this. He thinks this is the Lord’s way of forcing us to take a break for a few weeks to let my body recover from everything we have been putting it through. I wish my faith could be as strong as his is and I am very thankful for my husband. I wouldn’t be able to get through all this if Daniel wasn’t so strong in his belief that the Lord will provide us with the child that we desire. 

PCOS

Back in June I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Since Daniel had just been told that he was getting laid off, we decided to do a non-aggressive fertility treatment by using Metformin to attempt to regulate my cycles. It seemed to help a bit but not as much as I had hoped.

Daniel, thankfully, was transferred to a different department at work and will no longer be laid off. Praise the Lord!!! Since we had that blessing, when I went for a follow-up in August, my doctor decided to put me on 50mg of Clomid for 5 days, start on the 3^rd day of my cycle. I take this along with the Metformin.

This had been my first cycle on the Clomid and I didn’t have any side effects except some minor hot flashes. Nothing horrible though. On September 6^th I went in for a follicular ultrasound and there was a mature follicle on my right ovary. It was really exciting to see that and to know that the medicine is helping. I ovulated 2 days later and now am waiting to see if we are pregnant or if we will be continuing onto another cycle. Daniel and I are both praying that this is it for us!

In addition to the treatments, I have been reading more about PCOS and ways to improve my health and help with weight loss. It can be very difficult to lose weight with PCOS and I have been reading that the best way is to eliminate carbs and refined sugars. It is very difficult to cut out carbs! I realized that I really love bread so I am working on taking baby steps to cut it out.

We have been eating protein, fruits, and vegetables during the week. Then one day out of the weekend, we usually splurge on a dinner with having something sweet for dessert or getting a pizza. The more I deprive myself, the more I end up breaking the diet. By allowing myself the one day a week, I find that I actually do better.  My goal this next week is to get back to the gym at least twice a week to start with. Hopefully I will be able to do it!

"When you are going through something hard and wondering where God is, remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test."

Missing My Dad

August 17, 2012 was the last time I ever got to talk to my dad. It was his 60^th birthday and I called to wish him a happy birthday. He was driving with my mom and brother up to Canada for their annual fishing trip. One I always regretted not being able to go on since, as a teacher, school was just starting back. He was in such a good mood that day, teasing me on the phone like he usually does.

On August 25, 2012, my brother called me to tell me they had a car accident on their way home. My dad didn’t make it. He had been sleeping in the back seat of the car and had died on impact. The events of that day are still so fresh and real in my memory. I fear that they will haunt me for the rest of my life.

There is hardly an hour that goes by each day that I don’t think about my dad and miss him with all my heart. He was the greatest dad that anyone could ever ask for. He taught me so much growing up. He didn’t want his daughters to be wimpy girls without a clue. My sister and I both know a lot about using tools and doing projects around the house thanks to him. He taught us to be independent and strong women. He used to say, especially to my sister who is a missionary in Africa, that maybe he taught us to be a little too independent. But I surprise people with how much I know about fishing, camping, and hunting. I may seem like a girly girl, but my favorite memories growing up with my dad is being in the outdoors.

Throughout this year, I have experienced so many firsts without him. The biggest one is Daniel and I buying our first house. Dad was supposed to be a big part of helping us fix it up. Especially with the gardening, which Dad and I did together since I was a little girl. I hate that there will be so many things he will miss out by no longer being here. Never getting to be a grandpa, walking my sister down the aisle, seeing my brother finish with the army and get married someday, traveling with my mom like they were planning as soon as she retires. There are so many things he should be part of in our lives still. We all feel the pain of his lose so greatly.

The comfort I do have is that I know that Dad woke up in heaven. He didn’t feel a thing from the accident but woke up to find himself with Jesus. I know that my dad wouldn’t want us to cry over him and I know that he also misses us as well. But he is waiting for us and we will see him again. I can’t wait to get one of my dad’s big bear hugs and hear him call me “kid” again. I can’t promise not to cry over him but it is only because I love him so much. I take my comfort in the arms of Jesus and the promise of eternal life with Him in heaven. It just doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt that he is gone. It will always hurt but that is part of grief. 

Sweet and Salty Cookies

On the 4th of July, our neighborhood had a small block party. It was mainly for kids with bounce houses but there was also a cookie contest. Being new to our neighborhood, Daniel and I have wanted to get more involved and meet our neighbors. We planned on going to the party for a little bit to mingle and I also decided that I would enter the cookie contest.

Deciding what kind of cookie to make was a challenge. I had never entered a baking or cooking contest of any kind before but I do love to bake! I didn’t want to make a typical cookie, like Chocolate Chip or Peanut Butter Blossoms. So, instead, I started doing some research on Pinterest. There I found the best cookies I have ever made! I made some changes to the recipe posted on Dessert Now, Dinner Later and renamed the cookies. Here is my version of the recipe:

Sweet and Salty Cookies

1 stick of butter at room temperature

¼ cup plus 2 T white sugar

¼ cup plus 2 T light brown sugar

1.2 t vanilla extract

1 large egg

½ t salt

½ t baking soda

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

¾ cup of broken stick pretzels

½ cup butterscotch chips

½ semi-sweet chocolate chips



1. In a stand mixer, cream butter with both white and brown sugars. Add the vanilla and egg and mix thoroughly.

2. In a separate bowl, combine the salt, baking soda, and flour. Gradually add to the wet mixture.

3. Fold in broken pretzels, butterscotch, and chocolate chips.

4. Spoon onto a baking sheet. (I used an ice cream scoop!)

5. Bake at 350F for 11-12 minutes. (Mine took about 15min).


Makes about 2 dozen cookies (if you make them small.) I doubled the recipe for a larger batch.



I didn’t win at the cookie competition although it was a lot of fun to participate. These are still the best cookies that I have ever made! My husband and mother-in-law absolutely loved them! I have never seen my mother-in-law eat so many cookies in one sitting before!!!


Here is the link to the original blog and recipe:

http://www.dessertnowdinnerlater.com/2012/12/caramel-pretzel-chocolate-chip-cookies.html

Praise You In This Storm

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, they are plans for good, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11.

This is one of the first verses of the Bible that I memorized after I was saved about 14 years ago. However, I have come to realize that sometimes the Lord’s plan doesn’t make sense. We don’t see the full picture and it can be frustrating when we don’t understand why certain things are happening in our lives. However, we need to have blind faith and trust in Him because he can see past the storm we are in.

This past Thursday, my husband was told that he only has a job until September 3rd. The bank he works for is closing down several departments, causing over 400 people to be laid off. It is devastating since it took over a year for Daniel to get this job and then to work there for less than two years. He really loves working as a mortgage loan processor, the promotion he just got back in March. I can’t help but wonder why we would be blessed with his promotion, only for it to be taken away so quickly?

I have come to realize that a lot of my husband’s self confidence is based on his ability to provide for our family. I am sure that most husbands feel the same way. As the head of the household, they feel the most need and pressure to take care of their family. Daniel is worried about not being able to take care of us come September. Luckily, it is only June and there is time to apply for other positions in both other departments at his current employer as well as at other banks in the area.

I am trying to stay strong and supportive for my husband during this time. We are both worried and were caught off guard by this sudden announcement. However, I have to trust that the Lord is going to take care of us no matter what happens in the next two and a half months. I am trying to find ways to encourage him as best as I can when I know he is feeling down and discouraged. Anything from searching for jobs so he can easily apply once he is home from work, to mowing the lawn so it is one less thing he needs to worry about. What do you do when your husband needs encouragement? I would love some more ideas!

"I love you, Lord, You are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my Savior. My God is my rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and He saved me from my enemies." Psalm 18:1-3

Our TTC Journey...

Last July, Daniel and I decided we were ready to start trying for a baby. Now, about 10 month later, we have yet to conceive. In fact, what I have been warned about for years seems to be true. I am having trouble with fertility. I have always had very irregular cycles, the longest being 6 months without a period. Years ago, it never seemed to bother me. Then again I wasn’t married and trying to start a family. I was hoping that after coming off of the pill, I would have possibly outgrown the irregular cycles. I was actually semi-regular for the most part. I had longer cycles but I was ovulating. I track this with temping and charting using fertilityfriend.com.

It didn’t take long for my cycles started getting longer and longer. Right after Christmas, I went to my gynecologist, Dr. Sanchez. I have been going to her for 7 years and she knows my history. She has always been very honest with me and has told me before that I could have trouble conceiving. Luckily, she also does fertility so I won’t have to go to an RE to tests and treatment. When I saw her back in December, she told me that she is pretty sure I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Before we will discuss any treatment options, she has ordered for me to get a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and then an ultrasound of my ovaries.

I was supposed to have the HSG done back in January or February. However, we ended up closing on our house and things were hectic for a while. In addition to that, I have been on the same cycle since the end of January. The longest one I have had in years! I’m getting close to CD100 and it is not fun! Dr. Sanchez called in a script for Provera for me. Once I complete the Provera and Aunt Flow finally comes out of hiding, I can finally call and schedule my HSG. Secretly, I am hoping that maybe it won’t come to that. I actually ovulated on May 1st so there is a chance I could be pregnant and not have to go through all the fertility testing.

I know that the Lord has a plan in all of this. It is hard to understand His purpose but only He can see the bigger picture. Someday Daniel and I will be able to look back and understand the reasons why but for now we have to learn to trust in His promise blindly. There are days where that is very difficult to do.

Mark 11:24- "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."